Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

It's been a year since I found out you left us, but the wounds on my heart are so raw it feels like I got the call yesterday. The sadness in my mom's voice as she started the call- I knew exactly what she was going to say. But it didn't stop me from falling to my knees in hysterical tears. I had to quickly snap out of it and swoop up the girls, who have sincerely been my saving grace. You would just love them, they are so silly and so smart. I tell them about you all the time; about all the things we would do together and about all the things you've taught me. I promise you dad, the lessons have not gone to waste and it makes me proud to think I can pass those on to my daughters.
I'm sure you know, but I'm getting married in a week from today! It's going to be such a beautiful day with everything I have planned and I am just so excited. Not having you there will definitely be hard but I've been feeling better and more at peace lately, so I hope to feel your presence in a happy way that day. We saved you a seat at the reception, it was Joe's idea actually. He misses you too, you know. He always says how much he's learned from you, and he even read that book you told him he had to read before we got married! You made such an impact on all of our lives, dad. Even if you couldn't see then, I hope you realize it now as you look down on all of us. I wish so bad that I could have taken your sadness away so that life wouldn't have taken this turn, but I understand that you felt like you had no other way out. I wrote something to say at your funeral last year and I hadn't looked at it again until yesterday but I'd like to share it with you today:

"If you can imagine it, you can dream it. Dream it an you can become it." This is one of the many sayings he had posted in his garage. My dad was such an inspirational person, he always told me if I believed it could happen, I could make it happen. He always believed in me. In high school when i was down on life, he wrote out a mantra and taped it in my room. That way I would see it and be reminded that I was special and could do great things.
Recently, I found him whispering in Summer's ear, "you are a strong, beautiful woman." He then went on to tell me that he used to whisper in to the back of my brother's head when he was a baby. Things such as how loved he was and the hopes and dreams my dad had for him. He would whisper, "you are going to be a great man, son." That day I promised my dad I would always whisper good things in their ears to build their self esteem. If only I had known it was because he wouldn't be here to do it himself.
My dad wanted nothing but the best for each of us. He supported me in every aspect possible, in celebrating accomplishments as well as in times of hardship. My dad was so much more than just a dad, he was a best friend. He never hesitated to show his love for me, concern for my well being, or his appreciation for the tight bond we had formed. To say he was my biggest cheerleader would be an understatement. When I wanted to pursue hairstyling, he supported my dream 100%, not only would he come visit me weekly at school but he was the 1st person brave enough to let me cut his hair. When I was in a salon he came to visit too, always making sure I was comfortable and happy there. I was so proud to show him off too since no one else's parents ever came just to say hi or have some lunch. Then when I decided to start my own business he jumped at the opportunity to help, without me even having to ask. My dad was always full of encouragement- he made me believe there was no way I could fail.
When I came to him with the surprise of deciding to be a mother, his response was joyful and supportive. Telling me he knew that's what I always wanted and encouraged me to stay home so I could give my all to the babies and my new family. I could tell from the start that my dad was a very proud grandpa. While my girls were in the nicu, he took time out of his day to take me to and from the hospital. Every day he would come in and sit with me, words weren't always needed but his presence and positive attitude spoke louder than anything he ever said. Everywhere we went, he would tell people "this is my daughter, she just had twins!" he always made it known how proud he was of me. He would even carry me back up the stairs to my apartment because he knew how much pain I was in after the surgery. Once we were all home my dad would come visit a couple times a week. Sometimes he would just show up and it would happen to be the exact moment I needed that warm embrace. I never got to tell him how much his visits meant to me. My dad was amazing. One day that he came by, I was exhausted. He told me to go back to bed and close the door. When I awoke, he wasn't there but my dishes were clean, my laundry was done, and my dog had been walked.
There was no limitation to how generous my dad was. He was a true provider for his family. I've witnessed him be an incredible support system to each of his kids. Whether it was him present at an academic ceremony, humming along at a band recital, rooting from the stands of a cheerleading competition, giving helpful advice during a baseball game, standing proud at a parent-teacher conference, cheering from the sidelines of a soccer game, tearing up at the sight of his daughter getting married, or grinning at you from a far as you received your diploma- he was always there. He had never kept any of us from being the best but rather had given each of us a push in the right direction to do so.
It wasn't just his family he was generous to, when we made our trip to Vegas together, there was a woman stranded on the side of the road and my dad stopped to fill her gas tank for her. Last winter he told us about how there was a homeless man sitting outside in the rain at a Mexican restaurant where he was eating, before he left he bought that man a burrito and a cup of coffee. He always put others before himself, always offered a helping hand- he just wanted everyone to be happy.
So I hope to remember that circumstances can take away our loved ones, but it can never take away our memories. Even though I am heartbroken, I find comfort in knowing he is now at peace and where he wanted to be.

I love and miss you very much, dad.

10-22-2012

So on Thursday last week, we went for our weekly grocery shopping trip. I decided to go to Winco this time since we needed coffee and the last time I was there coffee was super cheap! So there we are grabbing a little of this and a little that, hearing "Twins?!" over and over as we walk through. As I'm looking for the hot sauce Joe likes (the man goes through a bottle a week!) my sweet little Autumn wipes a shelf of jarred chilies clear! Oh man the embarrassment. Not one, not two, but three jars of chilies and broken glass spread across the aisle along with 2 crying babies because of course I screamed "oh no!" so loudly. First I tried to look nearby to see if I could find someone who works there, but nope. So I grabbed a wipe from my bag tried to mop up some of the juices as well as scoot everything off towards the shelf so that no one is in danger, and then found a man who worked there. I started out, "Excuse me sir.." *looks at me strangely* "we had an accident on aisle.." Then the man, "Where the peppers are?" I must have turned 10 shades of red! I smelled so bad and spicy I couldn't wait to get out of there.

On Saturday Joe and I took the babies to pick out a pumpkin. There were some friends there with their 1 year old's as well, but for some reason my girls were glued to mine or Joe's legs- acting so super shy they wouldn't even walk on their own! So it wasn't as enjoyable as I had planned. We picked out a nice pumpkin and then decided to go shopping for honeymoon clothes instead of hanging around the pumpkin patch. 

Yesterday was spent learning and crafting with my mom. She taught me how to use her sewing machine so I made myself this bag to use at the wedding! I can keep my lip gloss in there and then use it during the money dance! I'm so proud of it even though it's so simple =)

 I also made these signs to use as fun props during photos!

The girls (who turned 15 months today!) are napping right now but I plan to carve some pumpkins with them once they are awake!

The countdown begins!

It's crazy how quickly time is passing. The twins are really on the move now, and I am just soaking it all in! They are so entertaining between the way they talk to each other, chase each other around, fight over everything and love and cuddle each other. Every day I sit back a moment and watch them in awe, it's hard to believe they are mine. How did I get so lucky to get to where I am? I never thought I would have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom so that's the greatest gift Joe could ever give me.

I'm at a point in life that I have been eagerly waiting for. I've wanted to be 26 so I could get married and have babies for awhile now, so you could imagine how happy I must be! But an important person in my life won't be joining us for the occasion.  Here I am putting together the wedding of my dreams, marrying an amazing guy, and raising two beautiful little girls; and yet I still have an empty, sad feeling. I'm as ready as anyone can be for a wedding that is less than a month away, I just need to find a way to be emotionally ready. I keep praying for His help so that the gray cloud that has been hovering over my heart since my dad passed away, will be lifted on my wedding day. I'd hate to spend such a happy day dwelling on what I don't have, but I must admit- it's really hard for me. My friend's wedding was last weekend and I was so happy to be a part of her special day. But even with all the happiness, that darn cloud came over me during her father's speech. Phew... Tears! But I am really working hard on diverting my thoughts to something else when I get sad about my dad, especially for that day.

One good thing about attending a wedding so close to mine is that I was able to visualize how my day will go and what I needed to add to my decor or organization. So I've now made a binder with all my contracts from vendors and a list of contact numbers, for just in case. I've completed all my projects so I thought I'd share some here with you guys.

 My theme is a fairy tale wedding so I decided to make the escort cards in the shape of stars.

Also to go along with the theme, I named the tables after fairy tale couples instead of numbers, so I made pictures like this to go on the tables.

My colors are purple and antique gold so I found these awesome purple vases to have illuminate the ceremony since it's at sunset! 

Separate from the wedding, the girls and I have been enjoying the holiday spirit! We went apple picking and brought home some pumpkins so I had them let loose and get nice and dirty in the backyard. We also saw this fun project of making the front door into a friendly mummy on pinterest! Keep your eyes open for more Halloween fun since I plan to get the girls really into the spirit, it is their first "real" Halloween after all ;)

The past few days.

It's been an eventful few days! I have been going nuts because I keep losing and forgetting every thing, it's ridiculous and I have no idea where my head is at. But first on Friday, Summer woke up not feeling well so I thought for the first time "oh no my baby is sick!" So I ran around all day trying to fix a problem with our health insurance and then getting her in to see a doctor. It all ended up with the doctor saying there was nothing wrong with her ears and that she just had a sore throat.
Saturday we attempted to get our passports so Joe and I can go on our honeymoon but silly me, I forgot to make an appointment. After driving around looking for a place we could just walk in to, I realized I had left my driver's license at home! I just couldn't believe it. So we shall try again on Saturday.
Sunday night after spending a relaxing day at home with family, I gave the girls a bath and brought them back to their bedroom. While dressing Summer, Autumn decided to go number 2. While naked standing the crib. Unbelievable. How could she possibly know that that was the perfect moment to do so since I couldn't leave Summer on the changing table alone in order to swoop in and avert the situation somehow.. These girls!
Yesterday started out like any other Monday. The girls and I headed off to the park for a workout and some play time and anticipated the rest of the day to go as well. I chose two new recipes off pinterest and got to work on dinner while the girls banged on pots and pans around my feet. I could swear they were right there, I could hear them moving their wagon back and forth in the doorway next to me. After moments of silence I peaked around the corner to check on them, they were both huddled around something.. I found them with an open bottle of aspirin. FREAK OUT right? Actually, I didn't (thankfully). I swatted all the pills out of their hands and did the finger swipe through their mouth, in which I found none and no trace of what I thought would look like a chewed pill. I called my mom to find out an estimate of how many pills were in the bottle so I could get an idea if they had consumed any or not. I then called poison control who connected me with 911.. The rest is a whirlwind of a blur between repeating what happened to all the different paramedics and doctors, giving their history information, and trying to maintain my composure. The twins and I have been through a fair amount of scary times, but I'd have to say I was completely terrified yesterday. Beating myself up over and over about how could I let them out of my sight long enough for them to get in to so much trouble. Thankfully all tests showed there were no toxins in their bloodstream! But that didn't stop me from laying awake all night agonizing over my poor parenting. I so badly want everything to be "just so," and it's hard to cope when things aren't the way I hope they will be.
I took my babies for a follow up appointment with their pediatrician today and she assured me there is nothing to worry about when it comes to the medicine and that I did everything right in that situation. So why do I still feel so disappointed in myself? I need to find a way to not be so hard on myself, hey maybe the babies will help me with that along the way. So even though the doctor had good news about our trip to the emergency room, she didn't have as great of news about Summer's current state of health. She felt the information the clinic gave me was incorrect, that Summer doesn't have cold symptoms but that her body may be rejecting the tubes that were put in her ears. No bueno.. As of right now we are treating with drops in hopes for improvement until we can get an appointment with the specialist. So for now we wait but I will keep you all updated =)

Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I will be spending the rest of the week making up for these past few days!

The joy of constant company

Earlier this week Autumn nearly gave me a heart attack! The twins were sitting happily eating lunch in their high chairs. I walked into the garage (which is adjacent to the kitchen) to put some laundry in the basket, when I walked back in Autumn was standing up with her hands in the air so darn proud of herself. Scared the poop out of me so I have been buckling them in ever since- which they hate of course.

Mom, Aunt Jo, Stephanie and I took the girls to the fair yesterday. I had a great time, I just love the fair. I love the food, playing the ridiculously impossible to win games, the exhibits and of course all the shopping. The girls did great and seemed to enjoy themselves, I was disappointed to find out they couldn't ride any rides but then we came up to the merry go round and of course had to ride! We all had our fortunes told and mine left me full of questions and seeking more. But it was definitely a fun filled day!

I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am to have my kids, not just because they are great but because they always keep me company. I've never been very good at being alone: I prefer to sit and watch tv with someone else, shop with others, and could never imagine sitting alone at a restaurant. Today I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the girls to a restaurant just us. And yes, I'm aware that I wasn't technically alone but it felt close enough since the girls aren't much of conversationalists yet. I felt strangely liberated afterwards. The girls behaved perfectly and waved at everyone who passed by, it was very enjoyable (and yummy!) I did notice some looks during our out, varying from adoration to awe to "that girl is crazy." Which is understandable since I decided not to lug the stroller in so I had a 14 month old on each of my hips and because I was talking to my silly little girls like they were my girlfriends. But I don't find any shame in that! =)

Some days are better than others but after days like today where I successfully went to the store, cleaned the house, made a yummy dinner, and did everything I could to love and care for my baby girls; I lay my head down at night feeling slightly less than SuperWoman   ;)

Sharing is Caring

As the empathetic person that I am, I am forever trying to make sure things are "fair" between the twins. If one baby has this the other gets that. You will hear "you have to be nice" and "you have to share" a lot in our household! I even had to start dividing their food before putting it in front of them (I like to count how much is being given so that it is equal) because they will pop say, blueberries, in their mouths so fast you'd think they were competing. It's not just physical things I try to spread evenly, it's my time and affection also. It kills me when I'm playing with one and look over to see the other with a sad expression on her face. Autumn seems to be more adventurous and try things first such as taking multiple steps in a row now (exciting!) so of course I want to cheer and praise her but always feel the need to acknowledge Summer as well. So what I've been doing is instead of feeling bad for Summer I will get her to try and work on whatever it is that Autumn just did and then praise her for her effort. Or sometimes I will just swoop her up and cheer her on  for just being her! =)

I love their current obsession- Stuffed animals and dolls. So so sweet since both of them will hug and drag these dolls around. I also bought them giant pillow pets from Costco and they love those, it's so cute to see them dive onto them and curl up with them.
Just a couple more days before I get to see my lovely preggo cousin! Hopefully I'll remember to take lots of pictures to share the day with you all!
Love, Amber

Projects

I made mini apple pies inside of apples for labor day. I started by cutting the tops off and hallowing out the apples.

 I then sliced 2 other apples and mixed them with sugar, cinnamon, and brown sugar and then stuffed the apples with the mixture.

 Cut out dough and arranged them in a weaved pattern on top of the apples.

 And then baked for 45 mins at 375. Delicious!

 I cut out all my stars for my escort cards and then painted them all. Just need all my RSVPs to come in so I can put the names on the stars.

 I've also cut out tags and printed labels for my ceremony.

 I've been checking lots of things off my to do list lately so almost all of the wedding planning is done! And I still have 2 months! ----> Makes me feel awesome!

Babies and a Baby Shower

It's hard to believe its been a month since I've updated! It's like August didn't even happen with how quickly it disappeared. The girls are getting so big and changing so much, but I'm really enjoying their current stage- they are so much fun and have so much personality already. I'm disappointed to say that we still aren't walking but I know it'll happen eventually. Oh, and I am so looking forward to seeing the twins walk down the aisle in the flower girl dresses I've made! We also only have 2 teeth still.. Seems so strange, 13 whole months and only 2 little teeth to eat all that food. But they have been super clingy and grouchy lately so I have feeling their teeth will decide to make an appearance all at once.

The twins love books. All day long they will bury themselves in the book nook just flipping through them all, pointing and chattering at the pictures. Some of their other current favorite things include: being able to shut the doors, flipping light switches on and off, giving kisses, and pulling out everything from the cupboards. The girls have added DOG and HELLO to their vocabulary, it's hilarious that every animal they see is a "doog." Breanna got them a cozy coupe for their birthday and after waiting a month for Joe to assemble it, I decided to try myself- SUCCESS! And oh boy do they love that car. They fight to be the one inside, push it all around, and even tip it over and use it like a jungle gym. It is so sweet to see them play together. I think as an adult we forget how great the simplest things are such as hiding behind the curtains and laughing with your sister or playing follow the leader as you crawl in and around the dining table- and find it hilarious! I think they are really lucky to always have a friend around to play with, even though they fight all the time over everything, they go from tears to giggles within seconds.

I've been having so much fun helping my mom plan my cousin's baby shower! I've made all sorts of things for the games we are going to play and I made my first diaper cake! I hope she likes it.
I can't wait for the party and all the fun things I have planned but I have to keep reminding myself that I need to relax that day, haha. I met a woman recently who is expecting twins and I felt this need to tell her everything I did and all my experiences, and I think I overwhelmed her! I always want to share how I've managed to do things, not because I feel like I know it all but because I took pieces of what other moms told me and from things I read and came up with a plan that has helped us be successful, so I'd love for other moms to have that as well. But in reality, everyone's experiences and plans are different and I need to let them come up with those on their own. So I promise to be good and only give my 2 cents when asked for it. =)

8/7/2012

Lots to write about since there has been so much going on lately! It's been a couple weeks, but the twins turned 1 year old! All my hard work really paid off since I felt like the party was such a success. I know this will be hard since both mine and Joe's family are so big, but I feel like we will have a smaller party next time. It's hard to spread yourself around as the hostess while making sure you get to experience the special day with your little loves. I was so happy the girls like to bounce and go down the slide with us, made it worth while. Unfortunately Summer was sleeping, but Autumn really enjoyed having Cinderella there! She would stare in amazement at her as she read and sang to the kids. They both got their faces painted and attempted to open all their wonderful gifts from our amazing friends and family (another big THANKS to everyone by the way). I'd say my only regret for the party is that since I waited for more guests to show up before starting activities, the time passed so quickly and not everyone was there to participate in the pinata or cake. As well as the girls didn't get to sit and have their first taste of cake/smash the cake all around experience at their party. So, Joe and I enjoyed it just us as a family and it was just as nice!

We also took the girls to the pediatrician where we found out she will no longer be considering their adjusted age since they are doing all the things a one year old should do. I could feel the pride beaming off of me as she patted me on the back saying I've done a great job. It means a lot to me to hear that, especially because I'm trying really hard. But to hear it from her, man- I was on cloud nine! I love that you can look at my little beauties and never know the rough start they had. The past year has flown by so quickly, it's hard not to think "did I accomplish enough??" But to have healthy, thriving, beautiful babies who are happy, fulfilled, and catching up way before expected- That is an amazing accomplishment.

We are just moments away from them walking. So far it's just been a step here and there and then they sit down and crawl away, but we are so close! I feel like this will be a blessing and a curse at the same time. Imagine for example bath time- After dinner I run the bath and then grab the first baby out of the highchair and strip off  her clothes and then place her in the hallway near the bathroom where she then begins to cry. I run back to the kitchen to get the second baby who has been crying because she was left alone, strip her down and head down the hallway and swoop up the first baby. So I think about taking them both out at the same time and walking with me as such a great solution! Then no one is crying from being left alone! Although, I think about being out in public and both girls running in opposite directions.. And that gives me so much anxiety. So we shall see how it goes soon I suppose!

These girls have such an adventurous and curious spirit. Last week I had them playing in their play pen as I was cleaning up from lunch. I could hear them chattering and clanking around, all the sudden I noticed they sounded far away.. When I go to check on them, they were outside playing in the grass! I couldn't believe it! I had left the door cracked for the cats to come back inside and they found their way out- little stinkers! Autumn has learned how to blow kisses and Summer has discovered all the fun sounds she can make by moving her finger up and down over her mouth- Adorable!

We just got back from visiting family in Northern California and let me tell you, we had such an amazing time! So relaxing and beautiful. I love that the twins love the water, we had them floating around the lake and Autumn was kicking her little legs so she could move herself around. I think she's destined to be a swimmer! I don't think this trip could have come at a better time. It helped remind me how much fun Joe and I have together since we took a moment to stop worrying about work or chores and just enjoyed our time as a family. Plus I got to share my girls and all their awesomeness with my relatives who happened to live far from us. It really warms my heart to see my aunts light up and smile with the babies, makes me that much more anxious for the rest of my cousins to start having babies! Come on guys, your parents want to be grand parents! =P

I'll update soon on all the projects I've been completing. Hope everyone has a fabulous week!
love, Amber

A year of firsts

We just finished celebrating the twins' first 4th of July and I feel like they really enjoyed it. I was afraid they would be scared from the loud noises but to my surprise they actually liked it, especially Autumn! I got the chance to have both my girls sitting in my lap, gazing up at the sky, giggling and kicking their chubby little legs as I described all the different colors to them. And to even more amazement, they both fell asleep on me while the fireworks were still going off- Truly a memory I will cherish forever!

Yesterday I was reflecting back on the past year and how it's been a year of firsts. Starting with the most important- taking their first breaths on that very scary yet happy day. In the hospital we would be excited for the tiniest of "firsts," such as gaining a few ounces and opening their eyes for us. As time went on the excitement switched to being the first time we could hold them, first time they went a whole day without any apnea spells, first time they took a bottle, ect.. I could remember skipping into the hospital the day a nurse called and said I could dress the girls for the first time. Something so simple as being able to wear clothes made them feel more real to me, so tiny they were swimming in their preemie clothes but they looked perfect to me.

The morning the doctor called to tell me Autumn was coming home for the first time, I was sincerely the happiest I had been in a very long time. I remember jumping right up and calling everyone as I was dancing around my apartment like I had just won the lottery. From then on the firsts haven't stopped- first smiles and laughs, rolling and sitting up, crawling and standing, first holidays and outings together, and soon it'll be their first steps and words. With how fast this year has flown by, I feel like it'll be their first day of school before I know it!

The third of the month just passed as well and this one was extra hard for me considering some issues I'm currently dealing with. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad and the fond memories I have of him. In fact, as I was slicing a mango for the girls this morning I had a flash back of Bre and I sitting on the porch as my dad sliced off pieces of mango one by one for us. I know I know, sounds like absolutely nothing but it made me smile and feel all warm inside. But unfortunately on the third of the month, I'm reminded of how he's gone and how much I miss him instead of the happy times. I just recently started seeing a counselor to help me work through my feelings since my dad has passed away. I'm hoping she can help me learn how to "let go" since I struggle with that in a lot of aspects of life. I can't seem to let go of that awful day and the feeling of if I had just tried harder to get ahold of him or if I had gone looking for him maybe I could have stopped him. I would love for my dad to be here to see the girls grow up and experience all these exciting "firsts," especially since he really seemed to like being a grandpa. There are a lot of days I pick up my phone to call and tell him about something they did, only to end in tears once I realize that isn't possible for me. And then there are some days it's hard for me not to be mad at him: Being a mother has brought me so much joy and made my life so rewarding, it's hard for me to understand why being a parent wasn't enough for him to want to continue living. It's a constant push and pull on my emotions, so that's why I'm glad I found a way to talk to someone.

I hope to end up in a place where I am at peace with what happened and can take all the wonderful things I learned from him and pass those on to my daughters. I hope to live my life caring for others, raising my kids in a happy home, and seek excitement and adventure- just like he did.

Projects

I've gotten so much done lately! I painted this white board yellow but I'll show that once it's complete. For the blue one, I painted clouds and glued the words "wish upon a star" to go along with my fairy tale themed wedding. It's going to be the backdrop for the escort cards (which will be made out of the yellow board).

 Sorry it's upside down =/

   

 I also made a sash to wear with my wedding dress, I'm excited about how it turned out!

The banner is almost complete! I just need to add the letters. I folded paper like a fan and then glue the ends together to make the backdrop for the letters stand out. I have some pretty pink and green ribbon to tie it all together too! 

And these are the completed invites! (Which I absolutely love!)

I'm sure there will be lots more projects to post soon since I have been a busy little bee whenever I find time =)

Learning New Things

My baby girls have learned so many new things lately! It's such a joy to see them explore and realize all the potential their little bodies have. They have begun to give hugs and kisses when you ask them to, stand without holding on for short periods of time, drink from a regular cup, and oh boy pout and manipulate like no other! The twins have also moved on from pureed food and have decided they only want "big people food." And I'm proud to know that it's mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, no fried or sweet foods for them yet! Being available to make home cooked meals for not only them but my family, makes me feel very happy and extremely privileged. From the beginning I decided that if this twin thing was going to work, I needed to change a lot in my life. I needed to become more organized, be more clean, more healthy- more of a role model. So call me crazy but I choose to take the extra time to wash their clothes separately from mine as well as their dishes and whatever else they have. So I've decided I need to work on my eating habits as well- I mean how fair is it that I'm telling them "no french fries for you" as I'm scarfing them down myself? The more I think about it, there are too many things to count that I am being hypocritical about. I want to give them the best life possible, and that includes the best possible me. So I'm working on that!

Mama bear

The twins and I get a fair amount of stares and comments while we are out and about, but I think that comes with the territory. I mean, who wouldn't stare at this little girl pushing a big stroller around with a diaper bag the size of luggage on her arm? Plus there's the fact that I have 2 darling little girls inside curiously staring back at everyone. There are moments when I can't walk through the store without being stopped multiple times so someone can tell me "how full my hands are" or "double trouble!" My mom likes to tell me I'd be sad if no one noticed the girls. Don't get me wrong, it warms my heart that others find them just as adorable as I do, I just didn't expect people to be so forward. While at the doctors last week, a woman stood right in front of my stroller and stared the girls for an extended period of time, I pulled the stroller closer to me and facing away from her. This woman then proceeded to talk to a woman across the woman in another language as she occasionally pointed down towards my stroller. I'm usually more timid when it comes to confrontation , but that day the mama bear within me came out! I stood up and said to her, "it's rude to stare, you know" in a loud, stern voice. The woman had no response for me so I moved the girls to the other side of the room where I sat with my heart pounding and my face red from embarrassment.

We've been super busy the past couple weekends, but I have really been enjoying all the family time! Although hanging out takes away from my crafting haha... So thanks to Ellen Degeneres, I got 3 free photo books from shutterfly and made them all over the last week. I must say I'm awfully proud of how they turned out! The process made me think a lot about how much work this whole twins thing is going to be for me. What you do for one, you have to do for the other! I started with a book for Summer and put so much time and effort into making it really creative and special, so much that I didn't feel like making another one! But I had to. Just like with all this birthday party planning, I've made a bunting that says "Happy Birthday Autumn!" and can't stop without making one for Summer. I've got to get 2 cakes, 2 gifts, 2 this 2 that. If you could just imagine- it's 2 mouths to feed, 2 high chairs to clean, 2 sets of clothes to wash, 2 little baby bottoms.. and the list goes on and on. BUT always after I'm done throwing a pity party, I bask in the joy that I have 4 arms that embrace me, 4 eyes that light up when they see me, and 2 tiny voices saying "MAMA!" And that, I wouldn't trade for the world.

Celebrate!

I celebrated my first Mother's day a few days ago and it was really nice. Joe spoiled us all with flowers and gifts but most importantly it was nice that most of the family was all together. We also took Summer and Autumn on their first ride- the meri-go-round, which they loved! The girls seemed fascinated with all the animals and sounds at the zoo so I'd say it was a hit.

Also on Mother's day, Autumn pulled herself to stand! Now she is standing all over the place and getting into all sorts of trouble. Summer can get into a seated position from lying down and is just the cutest thing when she gets all the way up, she puts her hands in the air as if to say "TADA!" Can't wait to see what new milestones they will hit next.

Today I took the babies to the beach with one of my mommy friends. These characters are just too much- Summer was rolling and crawling around in the sand having the time of her life and Autumn was shoveling the sand in her mouth faster than I could keep up with. Despite throwing tantrums because I kept stopping them from eating sand and crawling away, I think they had good time! And needless to say, I'll be cleaning sand off them for days.

The 1st birthday party planning is in full affect and coming along nicely! I have everything booked and even started on my decorations. I have a lot of projects going on all at once so today I will show my progress on the birthday bunting I'm making for the party. 

I have been cutting out the triangles in various girly colors so that when I string them I'm hoping they all go well together.

 I bought the stamps to make letters for "Happy Birthday" but silly me, I forgot to buy an ink pad. So for now I'll just decorate them and leave the letters for last.

 Like I said I have a lot of stuff I'm working on so I'll try to take pictures as I go to show my progress!

De-Cluttering Life

The last few nights I have been organizing, labeling and dating ALL of my photos. Which not only turned out to be a much longer process than I expected but was also very bitter-sweet. A tiny bit of back story to help me explain why I feel this way is: Summer and Autumn were born almost 3 months early and spent 39 days in the hospital. It's amazing the amount of guilt you can feel in a situation like this, wondering what you possibly could have done different in order to provide the safe home they were supposed to have. But, it turned out my body knew the small space it was offering them was no longer a safe place for them to live. Summer's umbilical cord was only partially connected and Autumn was tangled hers. Despite being early my little miracles made it without any complications and came home with us weighing a fragile 3 1/2 pounds. That's why it is so strange to hear comments like, "how cute are your chubby little boys!" <-- You wouldn't believe how many people mistake them for boys, including a woman today at the grocery store. In addition to adapting to life with 2 premature babies, my dad decided to take his life about 6 months ago. I won't discuss much about this as it's a very sensitive topic for me, but I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it is to flip through old photos of him. Although, I will say it was a lot of fun to reminisce with Joe about all the things we have done together and to show him highlights of my childhood.

So. In other news. I took the girls swimming for the first time yesterday and they loved it! Right away Summer was splashing and kicking around like she had been swimming all her life. Autumn was a little shy at first, as that's her personality but eventually she opened up and had a ball! Both girls are really finding their way around these days! But Autumn has discovered she can pull herself up on things so that is her new favorite thing to do. She even uses Summer as a step stool! I admire her adventurous spirit as well as Summer's never ending happiness. I'm am so proud of these little girls, and I'm realizing a mother is really the one that celebrates all the little things they do <3

A step in the right direction

I've decided that I was meant to do this, be a mother that is. And that I need to express how proud I am of that more often. A friend of mine stopped by today and made a comment that "for having two, I keep things well maintained." I can't count how many times I've heard variations of this topic- how hard it must be to have twins. But I can honestly say it doesn't feel any harder than it must be for a mother with one child. So what if having twins means my life is consumed more with schedules than it is being carefree. Our life is filled with love and laughter and I'm sure that is what is the most important.

Now that Summer and Autumn are 9 months we have been exploring lots of different foods! I've been trying to remember to capture these adventures since it's amazing to see an infant develop before your eyes. Almost over night they have gone from screaming in frustration at new textures and tastes, to sheer delight at what the food of the day will be! (Today's new food was boring- oatmeal for breakfast, rice for dinner.) But I will say that my dad would be so proud of my little carnivores. It's awfully cute to see their tiny little mouths chomp down on steak and chicken like it was the best thing that ever happened to them. They have also been very interested in grabbing at my cup so today I let them drink from my glass of water. Well, they enjoyed it so much there was a complete meltdown when I wouldn't let them hold it themselves! Ay these girls are going to give me a run for my money!

So. After my sweet Autumn fell asleep on my chest rather than crying in her bed like the past few nights, I was running through my crafting ideas and decided I should document all the fun things my little family does!
Enjoy =)