Everyone keeps mentioning that things must be easier now that the twins are older. I feel quite the opposite actually. Don't get me wrong! I adore everything about my little girls: the sound of the giggles, the sweetness of their hugs, their adventurous spirit and so much more. I wouldn't want to do anything else in the world other than spending every day with my beautiful daughters. But when I compare life now from when they were little, I think it was a lot easier then. I had such a precise schedule down that the days were predictable and I felt in control of most situations. Sure, I'd feel exhausted some days but at least it was just from lack of sleep and not from the never ending merri-go-round that seems to speed up whenever I start to catch up.
Today started like any other day, my 7:30 am wake up call was right on time and so I scooped up my smiling babies and headed down stairs for breakfast. Summer followed me to the kitchen and waited patiently in her chair, talking to me as I made her some eggs. Autumn had started to play in the playroom so when I called for her to join us she was devasted to find what chair Summer was sitting in. I couldn't believe it! It has begun. And mind you, their high chairs are EXACTLY the same but she was pushing on Summer and crying as if she took her most prized possession. But we needed to hurry this morning so I had to not pay much attention to the tantrum and get moving on with the day.
Since we have moved, I have felt a bit out of touch with everyone and decided to join a mom group from Meetup.com. I went to a play group last week and the women were very nice and it was an opportunity for my kids to play at the park and make some new friends. Well, today wasn't as successful since the group was meeting on the opposite side of Corona from where I live. I sat in traffic for over an hour with Autumn screaming in the back seat for most of the ride. I eventually gave up and turned around to go home. Of course with all the hysterics going on, the twins fell asleep and I attempted to transfer them to their beds without waking them- I was unsuccessful. After being filled with guilt over hearing them cry for what seemed like hours, I brought them downstairs with me to play. But no amount of peek-a-boo or tickle monster or itsy bitsy spider was going to save me today. We went to play outside, we had a snack, we read books.. I tried everything I could to make them happy without giving in to Mickey Mouse. Every time my girls sit there and stare at the tv, I feel like I've failed. Failed at enriching them, teaching them, engaging them enough. I mean if the twins were in daycare they wouldn't be plopped in front of the tv, they would be learning and exploring new things.
But now it was time for me to make dinner so there they sat watching their favorite episode of Mickey because it involves elephants. As I'm chopping up veggies I watch their happy little faces and see them bounce in their seats to the music, and become overwhelmed with tears. The doorbell rings and then they knock and then the bell and then they knock. I wash my hands and head to the door, "I'm coming I'm coming" I muttered. A tall man stands on the other side of the door and I hesitate to answer, but then he knocks again. When I opened the door the man furiously tells me my dog is in his yard, I tell him I don't know how that could be.. But sure enough there she is. I try to call her and catch her but she runs from me and I let her go (knowing this isn't the first time and she always comes back). This neighbor whom I haven't met, is so angry wtih me as I go back to my house. I'm sorry mr. neighbor man but I can't just leave my toddlers home alone! And rightfully so since when I returned I found that they had pulled my diaper bag down and spilled every last bit of it onto the floor. The 2 of them were sitting there eating stale, dirty gerber puffs that once lined the bottom of my bag..
I've prepared enough of dinner that I can strap them into their seats and occupy them long enough to clean up the mess. "My milllkkk" "My milllkkk" I hear. I let Summer know I will get her whatever she wants if she gives me a couple more minutes but that just wasn't good enough since she threw a tantrum of all tantrums. Tossed all her food against the wall behind her, screamed and cried. I promise you I was going to give my sweet girl some milk! Ahhhh I just couldn't win today. The rest of the night went as normal: bath, pajamas, story time.. And of course daddy came home while I was scrubbing the spaghetti sauce off the walls and said let's turn on Mickey! You better believe my girls were all smiles and rainbows for him.
Be a stay at home mom. Sounds so simple right? I find it so much more than that. It's rewarding, it's challenging, it's important, it's busy, it's lonely, it's fun, it's so much more than I imagined..
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
High hopes for the new year
I really enjoyed Christmas this year since the twins had a better understanding of what was going on. My favorite part this year was sharing all our family traditions with the babies. Every morning we would get up and add another ornament to our advent calender, we picked out a tree together, decorated cookies, and saw some lights- all while listening to Christmas music! I love to see someone's eyes light up at the sight of a gift I've chosen just for them. Joe and I had decided early on that we were going to give the girl's one big present from Santa and then one present from mom and one from dad. Knowing that their generous relatives were going to be giving them gifts as well, I wanted to instill in them the true meaning of Christmas rather than an overwhelming amount of gifts. I love any time I get to spend with family, so the fact that the girls were more receptive to everyone on Christmas than they were on Thanksgiving made me really happy! It's so much easier to enjoy myself when I don't have 2 toddlers clinging to me the entire time.
While doing the last of my Christmas shopping I stopped into a small store so I didn't bother lugging in my double stroller- I tossed one baby on my hip and held the other's hand. After finding what I was looking for, I was in the middle of finding a way to juggle a heavy box under my arm while holding my little girls hands. A man came up to me and took the box and said "didn't realize we had a real life wonder woman in here." Which brought a smile to my face but in reality I'm not trying to be a super hero. I love being a mom, doing crafts, and baking- so when I find the time to do it all, it makes me feel good about myself, not better than you.
For New Years I decided my resolution is to not be so envious of others and to be happy with myself and my life. So what if my things don't have a designer name on it, I'm not size 2, and I make things rather than buying them; right? Right! I fear that my own insecurities will project onto my beautiful little babies and they will waste too much time worrying about if people like them or if they said the right thing, just like me. So that's what I will be working on this year, being happy being me. =)
We had a check up for the girls today: Summer weighed in at 20 pounds and Autumn is 22 pounds, both 30.5 inches! Amazing how far they have come! They can sing and do the moves to The Itsy Bitsy Spider, dance along to music, they've added "what's that" "stop it" "help" and "diaper" to their vocabulary, and enjoy expressing lots of love by blowing kisses, rubbing my back, cradling their dolls, and giving eachother hugs.
Can't wait to update you all again after our trip to Big Bear!
While doing the last of my Christmas shopping I stopped into a small store so I didn't bother lugging in my double stroller- I tossed one baby on my hip and held the other's hand. After finding what I was looking for, I was in the middle of finding a way to juggle a heavy box under my arm while holding my little girls hands. A man came up to me and took the box and said "didn't realize we had a real life wonder woman in here." Which brought a smile to my face but in reality I'm not trying to be a super hero. I love being a mom, doing crafts, and baking- so when I find the time to do it all, it makes me feel good about myself, not better than you.
For New Years I decided my resolution is to not be so envious of others and to be happy with myself and my life. So what if my things don't have a designer name on it, I'm not size 2, and I make things rather than buying them; right? Right! I fear that my own insecurities will project onto my beautiful little babies and they will waste too much time worrying about if people like them or if they said the right thing, just like me. So that's what I will be working on this year, being happy being me. =)
We had a check up for the girls today: Summer weighed in at 20 pounds and Autumn is 22 pounds, both 30.5 inches! Amazing how far they have come! They can sing and do the moves to The Itsy Bitsy Spider, dance along to music, they've added "what's that" "stop it" "help" and "diaper" to their vocabulary, and enjoy expressing lots of love by blowing kisses, rubbing my back, cradling their dolls, and giving eachother hugs.
Can't wait to update you all again after our trip to Big Bear!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Dear Daddy
Dear Daddy,
It's been a year since I found out you left us, but the wounds on my heart are so raw it feels like I got the call yesterday. The sadness in my mom's voice as she started the call- I knew exactly what she was going to say. But it didn't stop me from falling to my knees in hysterical tears. I had to quickly snap out of it and swoop up the girls, who have sincerely been my saving grace. You would just love them, they are so silly and so smart. I tell them about you all the time; about all the things we would do together and about all the things you've taught me. I promise you dad, the lessons have not gone to waste and it makes me proud to think I can pass those on to my daughters.
I'm sure you know, but I'm getting married in a week from today! It's going to be such a beautiful day with everything I have planned and I am just so excited. Not having you there will definitely be hard but I've been feeling better and more at peace lately, so I hope to feel your presence in a happy way that day. We saved you a seat at the reception, it was Joe's idea actually. He misses you too, you know. He always says how much he's learned from you, and he even read that book you told him he had to read before we got married! You made such an impact on all of our lives, dad. Even if you couldn't see then, I hope you realize it now as you look down on all of us. I wish so bad that I could have taken your sadness away so that life wouldn't have taken this turn, but I understand that you felt like you had no other way out. I wrote something to say at your funeral last year and I hadn't looked at it again until yesterday but I'd like to share it with you today:
"If you can imagine it, you can dream it. Dream it an you can become it." This is one of the many sayings he had posted in his garage. My dad was such an inspirational person, he always told me if I believed it could happen, I could make it happen. He always believed in me. In high school when i was down on life, he wrote out a mantra and taped it in my room. That way I would see it and be reminded that I was special and could do great things.
Recently, I found him whispering in Summer's ear, "you are a strong, beautiful woman." He then went on to tell me that he used to whisper in to the back of my brother's head when he was a baby. Things such as how loved he was and the hopes and dreams my dad had for him. He would whisper, "you are going to be a great man, son." That day I promised my dad I would always whisper good things in their ears to build their self esteem. If only I had known it was because he wouldn't be here to do it himself.
My dad wanted nothing but the best for each of us. He supported me in every aspect possible, in celebrating accomplishments as well as in times of hardship. My dad was so much more than just a dad, he was a best friend. He never hesitated to show his love for me, concern for my well being, or his appreciation for the tight bond we had formed. To say he was my biggest cheerleader would be an understatement. When I wanted to pursue hairstyling, he supported my dream 100%, not only would he come visit me weekly at school but he was the 1st person brave enough to let me cut his hair. When I was in a salon he came to visit too, always making sure I was comfortable and happy there. I was so proud to show him off too since no one else's parents ever came just to say hi or have some lunch. Then when I decided to start my own business he jumped at the opportunity to help, without me even having to ask. My dad was always full of encouragement- he made me believe there was no way I could fail.
When I came to him with the surprise of deciding to be a mother, his response was joyful and supportive. Telling me he knew that's what I always wanted and encouraged me to stay home so I could give my all to the babies and my new family. I could tell from the start that my dad was a very proud grandpa. While my girls were in the nicu, he took time out of his day to take me to and from the hospital. Every day he would come in and sit with me, words weren't always needed but his presence and positive attitude spoke louder than anything he ever said. Everywhere we went, he would tell people "this is my daughter, she just had twins!" he always made it known how proud he was of me. He would even carry me back up the stairs to my apartment because he knew how much pain I was in after the surgery. Once we were all home my dad would come visit a couple times a week. Sometimes he would just show up and it would happen to be the exact moment I needed that warm embrace. I never got to tell him how much his visits meant to me. My dad was amazing. One day that he came by, I was exhausted. He told me to go back to bed and close the door. When I awoke, he wasn't there but my dishes were clean, my laundry was done, and my dog had been walked.
There was no limitation to how generous my dad was. He was a true provider for his family. I've witnessed him be an incredible support system to each of his kids. Whether it was him present at an academic ceremony, humming along at a band recital, rooting from the stands of a cheerleading competition, giving helpful advice during a baseball game, standing proud at a parent-teacher conference, cheering from the sidelines of a soccer game, tearing up at the sight of his daughter getting married, or grinning at you from a far as you received your diploma- he was always there. He had never kept any of us from being the best but rather had given each of us a push in the right direction to do so.
It wasn't just his family he was generous to, when we made our trip to Vegas together, there was a woman stranded on the side of the road and my dad stopped to fill her gas tank for her. Last winter he told us about how there was a homeless man sitting outside in the rain at a Mexican restaurant where he was eating, before he left he bought that man a burrito and a cup of coffee. He always put others before himself, always offered a helping hand- he just wanted everyone to be happy.
So I hope to remember that circumstances can take away our loved ones, but it can never take away our memories. Even though I am heartbroken, I find comfort in knowing he is now at peace and where he wanted to be.
I love and miss you very much, dad.
It's been a year since I found out you left us, but the wounds on my heart are so raw it feels like I got the call yesterday. The sadness in my mom's voice as she started the call- I knew exactly what she was going to say. But it didn't stop me from falling to my knees in hysterical tears. I had to quickly snap out of it and swoop up the girls, who have sincerely been my saving grace. You would just love them, they are so silly and so smart. I tell them about you all the time; about all the things we would do together and about all the things you've taught me. I promise you dad, the lessons have not gone to waste and it makes me proud to think I can pass those on to my daughters.
I'm sure you know, but I'm getting married in a week from today! It's going to be such a beautiful day with everything I have planned and I am just so excited. Not having you there will definitely be hard but I've been feeling better and more at peace lately, so I hope to feel your presence in a happy way that day. We saved you a seat at the reception, it was Joe's idea actually. He misses you too, you know. He always says how much he's learned from you, and he even read that book you told him he had to read before we got married! You made such an impact on all of our lives, dad. Even if you couldn't see then, I hope you realize it now as you look down on all of us. I wish so bad that I could have taken your sadness away so that life wouldn't have taken this turn, but I understand that you felt like you had no other way out. I wrote something to say at your funeral last year and I hadn't looked at it again until yesterday but I'd like to share it with you today:
"If you can imagine it, you can dream it. Dream it an you can become it." This is one of the many sayings he had posted in his garage. My dad was such an inspirational person, he always told me if I believed it could happen, I could make it happen. He always believed in me. In high school when i was down on life, he wrote out a mantra and taped it in my room. That way I would see it and be reminded that I was special and could do great things.
Recently, I found him whispering in Summer's ear, "you are a strong, beautiful woman." He then went on to tell me that he used to whisper in to the back of my brother's head when he was a baby. Things such as how loved he was and the hopes and dreams my dad had for him. He would whisper, "you are going to be a great man, son." That day I promised my dad I would always whisper good things in their ears to build their self esteem. If only I had known it was because he wouldn't be here to do it himself.
My dad wanted nothing but the best for each of us. He supported me in every aspect possible, in celebrating accomplishments as well as in times of hardship. My dad was so much more than just a dad, he was a best friend. He never hesitated to show his love for me, concern for my well being, or his appreciation for the tight bond we had formed. To say he was my biggest cheerleader would be an understatement. When I wanted to pursue hairstyling, he supported my dream 100%, not only would he come visit me weekly at school but he was the 1st person brave enough to let me cut his hair. When I was in a salon he came to visit too, always making sure I was comfortable and happy there. I was so proud to show him off too since no one else's parents ever came just to say hi or have some lunch. Then when I decided to start my own business he jumped at the opportunity to help, without me even having to ask. My dad was always full of encouragement- he made me believe there was no way I could fail.
When I came to him with the surprise of deciding to be a mother, his response was joyful and supportive. Telling me he knew that's what I always wanted and encouraged me to stay home so I could give my all to the babies and my new family. I could tell from the start that my dad was a very proud grandpa. While my girls were in the nicu, he took time out of his day to take me to and from the hospital. Every day he would come in and sit with me, words weren't always needed but his presence and positive attitude spoke louder than anything he ever said. Everywhere we went, he would tell people "this is my daughter, she just had twins!" he always made it known how proud he was of me. He would even carry me back up the stairs to my apartment because he knew how much pain I was in after the surgery. Once we were all home my dad would come visit a couple times a week. Sometimes he would just show up and it would happen to be the exact moment I needed that warm embrace. I never got to tell him how much his visits meant to me. My dad was amazing. One day that he came by, I was exhausted. He told me to go back to bed and close the door. When I awoke, he wasn't there but my dishes were clean, my laundry was done, and my dog had been walked.
There was no limitation to how generous my dad was. He was a true provider for his family. I've witnessed him be an incredible support system to each of his kids. Whether it was him present at an academic ceremony, humming along at a band recital, rooting from the stands of a cheerleading competition, giving helpful advice during a baseball game, standing proud at a parent-teacher conference, cheering from the sidelines of a soccer game, tearing up at the sight of his daughter getting married, or grinning at you from a far as you received your diploma- he was always there. He had never kept any of us from being the best but rather had given each of us a push in the right direction to do so.
It wasn't just his family he was generous to, when we made our trip to Vegas together, there was a woman stranded on the side of the road and my dad stopped to fill her gas tank for her. Last winter he told us about how there was a homeless man sitting outside in the rain at a Mexican restaurant where he was eating, before he left he bought that man a burrito and a cup of coffee. He always put others before himself, always offered a helping hand- he just wanted everyone to be happy.
So I hope to remember that circumstances can take away our loved ones, but it can never take away our memories. Even though I am heartbroken, I find comfort in knowing he is now at peace and where he wanted to be.
I love and miss you very much, dad.
Monday, October 22, 2012
10-22-2012
So on Thursday last week, we went for our weekly grocery shopping trip. I decided to go to Winco this time since we needed coffee and the last time I was there coffee was super cheap! So there we are grabbing a little of this and a little that, hearing "Twins?!" over and over as we walk through. As I'm looking for the hot sauce Joe likes (the man goes through a bottle a week!) my sweet little Autumn wipes a shelf of jarred chilies clear! Oh man the embarrassment. Not one, not two, but three jars of chilies and broken glass spread across the aisle along with 2 crying babies because of course I screamed "oh no!" so loudly. First I tried to look nearby to see if I could find someone who works there, but nope. So I grabbed a wipe from my bag tried to mop up some of the juices as well as scoot everything off towards the shelf so that no one is in danger, and then found a man who worked there. I started out, "Excuse me sir.." *looks at me strangely* "we had an accident on aisle.." Then the man, "Where the peppers are?" I must have turned 10 shades of red! I smelled so bad and spicy I couldn't wait to get out of there.
I also made these signs to use as fun props during photos!
The girls (who turned 15 months today!) are napping right now but I plan to carve some pumpkins with them once they are awake!
On Saturday Joe and I took the babies to pick out a pumpkin. There were some friends there with their 1 year old's as well, but for some reason my girls were glued to mine or Joe's legs- acting so super shy they wouldn't even walk on their own! So it wasn't as enjoyable as I had planned. We picked out a nice pumpkin and then decided to go shopping for honeymoon clothes instead of hanging around the pumpkin patch.
Yesterday was spent learning and crafting with my mom. She taught me how to use her sewing machine so I made myself this bag to use at the wedding! I can keep my lip gloss in there and then use it during the money dance! I'm so proud of it even though it's so simple =)
I also made these signs to use as fun props during photos!
The girls (who turned 15 months today!) are napping right now but I plan to carve some pumpkins with them once they are awake!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The countdown begins!
It's crazy how quickly time is passing. The twins are really on the move now, and I am just soaking it all in! They are so entertaining between the way they talk to each other, chase each other around, fight over everything and love and cuddle each other. Every day I sit back a moment and watch them in awe, it's hard to believe they are mine. How did I get so lucky to get to where I am? I never thought I would have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom so that's the greatest gift Joe could ever give me.
I'm at a point in life that I have been eagerly waiting for. I've wanted to be 26 so I could get married and have babies for awhile now, so you could imagine how happy I must be! But an important person in my life won't be joining us for the occasion. Here I am putting together the wedding of my dreams, marrying an amazing guy, and raising two beautiful little girls; and yet I still have an empty, sad feeling. I'm as ready as anyone can be for a wedding that is less than a month away, I just need to find a way to be emotionally ready. I keep praying for His help so that the gray cloud that has been hovering over my heart since my dad passed away, will be lifted on my wedding day. I'd hate to spend such a happy day dwelling on what I don't have, but I must admit- it's really hard for me. My friend's wedding was last weekend and I was so happy to be a part of her special day. But even with all the happiness, that darn cloud came over me during her father's speech. Phew... Tears! But I am really working hard on diverting my thoughts to something else when I get sad about my dad, especially for that day.
One good thing about attending a wedding so close to mine is that I was able to visualize how my day will go and what I needed to add to my decor or organization. So I've now made a binder with all my contracts from vendors and a list of contact numbers, for just in case. I've completed all my projects so I thought I'd share some here with you guys.
My theme is a fairy tale wedding so I decided to make the escort cards in the shape of stars.
Also to go along with the theme, I named the tables after fairy tale couples instead of numbers, so I made pictures like this to go on the tables.
I'm at a point in life that I have been eagerly waiting for. I've wanted to be 26 so I could get married and have babies for awhile now, so you could imagine how happy I must be! But an important person in my life won't be joining us for the occasion. Here I am putting together the wedding of my dreams, marrying an amazing guy, and raising two beautiful little girls; and yet I still have an empty, sad feeling. I'm as ready as anyone can be for a wedding that is less than a month away, I just need to find a way to be emotionally ready. I keep praying for His help so that the gray cloud that has been hovering over my heart since my dad passed away, will be lifted on my wedding day. I'd hate to spend such a happy day dwelling on what I don't have, but I must admit- it's really hard for me. My friend's wedding was last weekend and I was so happy to be a part of her special day. But even with all the happiness, that darn cloud came over me during her father's speech. Phew... Tears! But I am really working hard on diverting my thoughts to something else when I get sad about my dad, especially for that day.
One good thing about attending a wedding so close to mine is that I was able to visualize how my day will go and what I needed to add to my decor or organization. So I've now made a binder with all my contracts from vendors and a list of contact numbers, for just in case. I've completed all my projects so I thought I'd share some here with you guys.
My theme is a fairy tale wedding so I decided to make the escort cards in the shape of stars.
Also to go along with the theme, I named the tables after fairy tale couples instead of numbers, so I made pictures like this to go on the tables.
My colors are purple and antique gold so I found these awesome purple vases to have illuminate the ceremony since it's at sunset!
Separate from the wedding, the girls and I have been enjoying the holiday spirit! We went apple picking and brought home some pumpkins so I had them let loose and get nice and dirty in the backyard. We also saw this fun project of making the front door into a friendly mummy on pinterest! Keep your eyes open for more Halloween fun since I plan to get the girls really into the spirit, it is their first "real" Halloween after all ;)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The past few days.
It's been an eventful few days! I have been going nuts because I keep losing and forgetting every thing, it's ridiculous and I have no idea where my head is at. But first on Friday, Summer woke up not feeling well so I thought for the first time "oh no my baby is sick!" So I ran around all day trying to fix a problem with our health insurance and then getting her in to see a doctor. It all ended up with the doctor saying there was nothing wrong with her ears and that she just had a sore throat.
Saturday we attempted to get our passports so Joe and I can go on our honeymoon but silly me, I forgot to make an appointment. After driving around looking for a place we could just walk in to, I realized I had left my driver's license at home! I just couldn't believe it. So we shall try again on Saturday.
Sunday night after spending a relaxing day at home with family, I gave the girls a bath and brought them back to their bedroom. While dressing Summer, Autumn decided to go number 2. While naked standing the crib. Unbelievable. How could she possibly know that that was the perfect moment to do so since I couldn't leave Summer on the changing table alone in order to swoop in and avert the situation somehow.. These girls!
Yesterday started out like any other Monday. The girls and I headed off to the park for a workout and some play time and anticipated the rest of the day to go as well. I chose two new recipes off pinterest and got to work on dinner while the girls banged on pots and pans around my feet. I could swear they were right there, I could hear them moving their wagon back and forth in the doorway next to me. After moments of silence I peaked around the corner to check on them, they were both huddled around something.. I found them with an open bottle of aspirin. FREAK OUT right? Actually, I didn't (thankfully). I swatted all the pills out of their hands and did the finger swipe through their mouth, in which I found none and no trace of what I thought would look like a chewed pill. I called my mom to find out an estimate of how many pills were in the bottle so I could get an idea if they had consumed any or not. I then called poison control who connected me with 911.. The rest is a whirlwind of a blur between repeating what happened to all the different paramedics and doctors, giving their history information, and trying to maintain my composure. The twins and I have been through a fair amount of scary times, but I'd have to say I was completely terrified yesterday. Beating myself up over and over about how could I let them out of my sight long enough for them to get in to so much trouble. Thankfully all tests showed there were no toxins in their bloodstream! But that didn't stop me from laying awake all night agonizing over my poor parenting. I so badly want everything to be "just so," and it's hard to cope when things aren't the way I hope they will be.
I took my babies for a follow up appointment with their pediatrician today and she assured me there is nothing to worry about when it comes to the medicine and that I did everything right in that situation. So why do I still feel so disappointed in myself? I need to find a way to not be so hard on myself, hey maybe the babies will help me with that along the way. So even though the doctor had good news about our trip to the emergency room, she didn't have as great of news about Summer's current state of health. She felt the information the clinic gave me was incorrect, that Summer doesn't have cold symptoms but that her body may be rejecting the tubes that were put in her ears. No bueno.. As of right now we are treating with drops in hopes for improvement until we can get an appointment with the specialist. So for now we wait but I will keep you all updated =)
Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I will be spending the rest of the week making up for these past few days!
Saturday we attempted to get our passports so Joe and I can go on our honeymoon but silly me, I forgot to make an appointment. After driving around looking for a place we could just walk in to, I realized I had left my driver's license at home! I just couldn't believe it. So we shall try again on Saturday.
Sunday night after spending a relaxing day at home with family, I gave the girls a bath and brought them back to their bedroom. While dressing Summer, Autumn decided to go number 2. While naked standing the crib. Unbelievable. How could she possibly know that that was the perfect moment to do so since I couldn't leave Summer on the changing table alone in order to swoop in and avert the situation somehow.. These girls!
Yesterday started out like any other Monday. The girls and I headed off to the park for a workout and some play time and anticipated the rest of the day to go as well. I chose two new recipes off pinterest and got to work on dinner while the girls banged on pots and pans around my feet. I could swear they were right there, I could hear them moving their wagon back and forth in the doorway next to me. After moments of silence I peaked around the corner to check on them, they were both huddled around something.. I found them with an open bottle of aspirin. FREAK OUT right? Actually, I didn't (thankfully). I swatted all the pills out of their hands and did the finger swipe through their mouth, in which I found none and no trace of what I thought would look like a chewed pill. I called my mom to find out an estimate of how many pills were in the bottle so I could get an idea if they had consumed any or not. I then called poison control who connected me with 911.. The rest is a whirlwind of a blur between repeating what happened to all the different paramedics and doctors, giving their history information, and trying to maintain my composure. The twins and I have been through a fair amount of scary times, but I'd have to say I was completely terrified yesterday. Beating myself up over and over about how could I let them out of my sight long enough for them to get in to so much trouble. Thankfully all tests showed there were no toxins in their bloodstream! But that didn't stop me from laying awake all night agonizing over my poor parenting. I so badly want everything to be "just so," and it's hard to cope when things aren't the way I hope they will be.
I took my babies for a follow up appointment with their pediatrician today and she assured me there is nothing to worry about when it comes to the medicine and that I did everything right in that situation. So why do I still feel so disappointed in myself? I need to find a way to not be so hard on myself, hey maybe the babies will help me with that along the way. So even though the doctor had good news about our trip to the emergency room, she didn't have as great of news about Summer's current state of health. She felt the information the clinic gave me was incorrect, that Summer doesn't have cold symptoms but that her body may be rejecting the tubes that were put in her ears. No bueno.. As of right now we are treating with drops in hopes for improvement until we can get an appointment with the specialist. So for now we wait but I will keep you all updated =)
Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I will be spending the rest of the week making up for these past few days!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The joy of constant company
Earlier this week Autumn nearly gave me a heart attack! The twins were sitting happily eating lunch in their high chairs. I walked into the garage (which is adjacent to the kitchen) to put some laundry in the basket, when I walked back in Autumn was standing up with her hands in the air so darn proud of herself. Scared the poop out of me so I have been buckling them in ever since- which they hate of course.
Mom, Aunt Jo, Stephanie and I took the girls to the fair yesterday. I had a great time, I just love the fair. I love the food, playing the ridiculously impossible to win games, the exhibits and of course all the shopping. The girls did great and seemed to enjoy themselves, I was disappointed to find out they couldn't ride any rides but then we came up to the merry go round and of course had to ride! We all had our fortunes told and mine left me full of questions and seeking more. But it was definitely a fun filled day!
I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am to have my kids, not just because they are great but because they always keep me company. I've never been very good at being alone: I prefer to sit and watch tv with someone else, shop with others, and could never imagine sitting alone at a restaurant. Today I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the girls to a restaurant just us. And yes, I'm aware that I wasn't technically alone but it felt close enough since the girls aren't much of conversationalists yet. I felt strangely liberated afterwards. The girls behaved perfectly and waved at everyone who passed by, it was very enjoyable (and yummy!) I did notice some looks during our out, varying from adoration to awe to "that girl is crazy." Which is understandable since I decided not to lug the stroller in so I had a 14 month old on each of my hips and because I was talking to my silly little girls like they were my girlfriends. But I don't find any shame in that! =)
Some days are better than others but after days like today where I successfully went to the store, cleaned the house, made a yummy dinner, and did everything I could to love and care for my baby girls; I lay my head down at night feeling slightly less than SuperWoman ;)
Mom, Aunt Jo, Stephanie and I took the girls to the fair yesterday. I had a great time, I just love the fair. I love the food, playing the ridiculously impossible to win games, the exhibits and of course all the shopping. The girls did great and seemed to enjoy themselves, I was disappointed to find out they couldn't ride any rides but then we came up to the merry go round and of course had to ride! We all had our fortunes told and mine left me full of questions and seeking more. But it was definitely a fun filled day!
I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am to have my kids, not just because they are great but because they always keep me company. I've never been very good at being alone: I prefer to sit and watch tv with someone else, shop with others, and could never imagine sitting alone at a restaurant. Today I stepped out of my comfort zone and took the girls to a restaurant just us. And yes, I'm aware that I wasn't technically alone but it felt close enough since the girls aren't much of conversationalists yet. I felt strangely liberated afterwards. The girls behaved perfectly and waved at everyone who passed by, it was very enjoyable (and yummy!) I did notice some looks during our out, varying from adoration to awe to "that girl is crazy." Which is understandable since I decided not to lug the stroller in so I had a 14 month old on each of my hips and because I was talking to my silly little girls like they were my girlfriends. But I don't find any shame in that! =)
Some days are better than others but after days like today where I successfully went to the store, cleaned the house, made a yummy dinner, and did everything I could to love and care for my baby girls; I lay my head down at night feeling slightly less than SuperWoman ;)
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