Everyone keeps mentioning that things must be easier now that the twins are older. I feel quite the opposite actually. Don't get me wrong! I adore everything about my little girls: the sound of the giggles, the sweetness of their hugs, their adventurous spirit and so much more. I wouldn't want to do anything else in the world other than spending every day with my beautiful daughters. But when I compare life now from when they were little, I think it was a lot easier then. I had such a precise schedule down that the days were predictable and I felt in control of most situations. Sure, I'd feel exhausted some days but at least it was just from lack of sleep and not from the never ending merri-go-round that seems to speed up whenever I start to catch up.
Today started like any other day, my 7:30 am wake up call was right on time and so I scooped up my smiling babies and headed down stairs for breakfast. Summer followed me to the kitchen and waited patiently in her chair, talking to me as I made her some eggs. Autumn had started to play in the playroom so when I called for her to join us she was devasted to find what chair Summer was sitting in. I couldn't believe it! It has begun. And mind you, their high chairs are EXACTLY the same but she was pushing on Summer and crying as if she took her most prized possession. But we needed to hurry this morning so I had to not pay much attention to the tantrum and get moving on with the day.
Since we have moved, I have felt a bit out of touch with everyone and decided to join a mom group from Meetup.com. I went to a play group last week and the women were very nice and it was an opportunity for my kids to play at the park and make some new friends. Well, today wasn't as successful since the group was meeting on the opposite side of Corona from where I live. I sat in traffic for over an hour with Autumn screaming in the back seat for most of the ride. I eventually gave up and turned around to go home. Of course with all the hysterics going on, the twins fell asleep and I attempted to transfer them to their beds without waking them- I was unsuccessful. After being filled with guilt over hearing them cry for what seemed like hours, I brought them downstairs with me to play. But no amount of peek-a-boo or tickle monster or itsy bitsy spider was going to save me today. We went to play outside, we had a snack, we read books.. I tried everything I could to make them happy without giving in to Mickey Mouse. Every time my girls sit there and stare at the tv, I feel like I've failed. Failed at enriching them, teaching them, engaging them enough. I mean if the twins were in daycare they wouldn't be plopped in front of the tv, they would be learning and exploring new things.
But now it was time for me to make dinner so there they sat watching their favorite episode of Mickey because it involves elephants. As I'm chopping up veggies I watch their happy little faces and see them bounce in their seats to the music, and become overwhelmed with tears. The doorbell rings and then they knock and then the bell and then they knock. I wash my hands and head to the door, "I'm coming I'm coming" I muttered. A tall man stands on the other side of the door and I hesitate to answer, but then he knocks again. When I opened the door the man furiously tells me my dog is in his yard, I tell him I don't know how that could be.. But sure enough there she is. I try to call her and catch her but she runs from me and I let her go (knowing this isn't the first time and she always comes back). This neighbor whom I haven't met, is so angry wtih me as I go back to my house. I'm sorry mr. neighbor man but I can't just leave my toddlers home alone! And rightfully so since when I returned I found that they had pulled my diaper bag down and spilled every last bit of it onto the floor. The 2 of them were sitting there eating stale, dirty gerber puffs that once lined the bottom of my bag..
I've prepared enough of dinner that I can strap them into their seats and occupy them long enough to clean up the mess. "My milllkkk" "My milllkkk" I hear. I let Summer know I will get her whatever she wants if she gives me a couple more minutes but that just wasn't good enough since she threw a tantrum of all tantrums. Tossed all her food against the wall behind her, screamed and cried. I promise you I was going to give my sweet girl some milk! Ahhhh I just couldn't win today. The rest of the night went as normal: bath, pajamas, story time.. And of course daddy came home while I was scrubbing the spaghetti sauce off the walls and said let's turn on Mickey! You better believe my girls were all smiles and rainbows for him.
Be a stay at home mom. Sounds so simple right? I find it so much more than that. It's rewarding, it's challenging, it's important, it's busy, it's lonely, it's fun, it's so much more than I imagined..
